In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner |
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The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds. |
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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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repulsive
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Every time you start to say something the closest person to you slaps you across the face. They don't actually have anything against you, in fact, most don't even know you. Something just compels them to give you a wack as soon as your lips part. Nobody knows why, we suggest a Tic-Tac or 2.....hundred.
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